Not the Best Excuse Ever
The staff on the train to work have been getting progressively snarkier recently, and have more of a long-suffering appearance than usual. This has lead to a few moments of comedy gold.
A couple of days ago, the guard came into our carriage to check tickets by saying “Ladies and gentlemen, can you have all tickets and excuses ready please.” Lots of confused looks, so when he got to me I asked: “All tickets and excuses? Long day?” He explained that on an earlier train he’d been checking tickets, and some guy spent a couple of minutes digging around in his backpack and then said to the guard “Oh shit, sorry, this isn’t my bag.”
The look on the guard’s face as he related the story suggested that, “In these times of heightened security,” the guy had been dragged off the train at the next stop for a Rubber Glove Special.
Then, on the train home tonight, as we pulled into the station where the train terminated, an announcement came over the tannoy: “Ladies and Gentlemen, this train terminates here. Please be careful when leaving the train, and please take a couple of moments to ensure that you haven’t left any children lying around.”
He went on to wish anyone going out in London tonight a good night, and anyone going home for the weekend an enjoyable time with their families. As I got off the train he was still warbling on about the best restaurants near the station and the quickest routes to various parts of the city.
For all I know, he might still be there now.